Chapter 5 - The Focus on Action
Note to the reader: This is chapter 5 of an 11 part series of notes / important ideas gathered from my reading of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
A Brief Introduction
What must an individual do to generate and sustain self-esteem? What pattern of actions must be adopted? What is the responsibility of you and me as adults?
Self-esteem is not something one works on directly. As previously explained in the last few chapters, self-esteem is influenced by our actions. If our actions are appropriate to the demands of reality, and if we act in ways that align with our values, our self-estimate will be affected.
Actions That Facilitate Self-Esteem
Branden states that by understanding the actions that result in healthy self-esteem in adults, we can understand the actions necessary to nurture self-esteem in children.
The reason why Branden begins this discussion from the point of view of adulthood, rather than early influences of the childhood environment, is because childhood leads into adulthood. Most of our lives are spent in adulthood, and we must understand what healthy adulthood looks like, in order to understand how a person’s childhood can be used to get there.
Until we know what practices an individual must master to sustain self-esteem, until we identify what psychologically healthy adulthood consists of, we lack criteria by which to assess what constitutes a favorable or unfavorable childhood influence or experience.
Branden goes on to say that as children, we begin our lives in total dependence to our environment. As adults however, the attainment of the simplest necessities to the most complex of our values all require the ability to think. Therefore, we can say that childhood experiences that encourage and nurture thinking, self-trust, and autonomy are to be valued.
Families where reality is denied, where the need to think is discouraged or punished create a nightmare world for the child. The child may then learn that thinking is not only wrong, but also dangerous.
Self-Esteem As A Way Of Life
The actions that facilitate healthy self-esteem are repeated. The term practices has meaning here. The actions required to nurture self-esteem are done consistently, as a way of life. They are not done by way of fits and starts. Healthy self-esteem is nurtured through operating in a certain way day by day, in big issues and small. It is a way of being.
What determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does, within the context of his or her knowledge and values. And since action in the world is a reflection of action within the mind of an individual, it is the internal processes that are crucial.
We shall see that “the six pillars of self-esteem” - the practices indispensable to the health of the mind and the effective functioning of the person - are all operations of consciousness. All involve choices. They are choices that confront us every hour of our existence.
A Few Warnings
Limitations Of Volition
Branden cautions that volition is a powerful force in our lives, but it is not the only force. There are many different factors that may limit our ability to improve self-esteem. These may be genetic, developmental, our energy level, our ability to focus, disposition to enjoy life, etc.
Limitations Of Parenting
Branden states that one of the best ways to have good self-esteem is to grow up in an environment where parents have healthy self-esteem and who model it in their parenting.
If we have parents who raise us with love and respect; who allow us to experience consistent and benevolent acceptance; who give us the supporting structure of reasonable rules and appropriate expectations; who do not assail us with contradictions; who do not resort to ridicule, humiliation, or physical abuse as a means of controlling us; who project that they believe in our competence and goodness - we have a decent chance of internalizing their attitudes and thereby of acquiring the foundation for healthy self-esteem.
Branden cautions that while having good parents may increase the likelihood that one will develop a healthy foundation for self-esteem, it is not a guarantee. There are people who appear to have been raised superbly, yet are insecure, self-doubting adults. Additionally, there are people who have come from appalling backgrounds, whose parents did everything wrong, yet they emerge as individuals with healthy self-esteem.
Nonetheless, it is safe enough to say that if one lives in a sane human environment in which reality is respected and people’s behavior is congruent, it is far easier to persevere in efforts to be rational and productive than if the signals are always switching, nothing seems real, facts are denied, and consciousness is penalized. Families that create such destructive environments are described as dysfunctional.
Inner Blocks
Within the psyche of an individual, there may be subconscious blocks that make it very difficult to behave appropriately about an immediate problem in every day life. Branden gives the example of a person blocking off feelings about his parents, through denial, disownment and repression. Such a person may have difficulty describing his feelings about his boss, because certain details have been blocked that are both attributed to one’s parents and one’s boss.
Once an inner block is resolved, facts about our lives become clearer to grasp and to deal with appropriately.
The Six Pillars
We know that there are specific (volitional) practices that can help raise and nurture self-esteem. An honest commitment to understanding inspires self-trust and an avoidance of the effort has the opposite effect. People who live mindfully feel more competent than those who live mindlessly. We know that integrity engenders self-respect and hypocrisy does not. From this we can derive the six pillars of self-esteem.
Since self-esteem is a consequence, a product of internally generated practices, we cannot work on self-esteem directly, neither our own nor anyone else’s. We must address ourselves to the source. If we understand what these practices are, we can commit to initiating them within ourselves and to dealing with others in such a way as to facilitate or encourage them to do likewise.
Branden states that one does not need to attain perfection in these practices. One only needs to raise one’s average level of performance to see growth in self-efficacy and self-respect.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem are:
- The Practice of Living Consciously
- The Practice of Self-Acceptance
- The Practice of Self-Responsibility
- The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
- The Practice of Living Purposefully
- The Practice of Personal Integrity