Chapter 6 - The Practice of Living Consciously
Note to the reader: This is chapter 6 of an 11 part series of notes / important ideas gathered from my reading of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
A Choice
Many traditional philosophies state that we as human beings are sleepwalking through life. Enlightenment therefore, is the act of “waking up”, and is often associated with an increase in consciousness, an expansion of awareness.
Branden defines consciousness as the state of being conscious or aware of some aspect of reality. Consciousness is our basic tool of survival. It is the ability to be aware of our environment in some form, and to take appropriate action.
For human beings, consciousness is volitional. We have a choice to be aware, or not to be aware. We have a choice to seek truth, or choosing not to (or actively avoiding it). We have a choice of focusing our mind, or choosing not to.
We have the option of exercising our powers or of subverting our means of survival and well-being.
If we do not bring an appropriate level of awareness to our activities, if we choose not to live mindfully, self-efficacy and self-respect inevitably suffer. We cannot feel confident in our mind and in ourselves, and worthy of happiness if we live our lives in a mental fog.
Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers.
Branden states that the simplest form of the betrayal of mind is the evasion of discomfiting facts. He gives a few examples:
I know I’m not giving my job my best, but I don’t want to think about it.
I know there are signs our business is falling into worse and worse trouble, but what we’ve done worked in the past, didn’t it? Anyway, the whole subject is upsetting, and maybe if I sit tight the situation will resolve itself - somehow.
I know my children suffer from having so little of me, I know I am causing hurt and resentment, but one day - somehow - I’ll change.
I know I’m living beyond my means, but …
Throughout the countless choices that we make as we go throughout our lives, between thinking and non-thinking, being responsible towards reality or evading it, we establish the type of person that we are. It is impossible to remember all of these choices, but deep within our psyche these choices add up - and the sum is our level of self-esteem.
Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.
Branden states that living consciously is not affected by our level of intelligence. Regardless of the degree of intelligence, we can all choose to live consciously or to avoid it.
To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals - to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may be - and to behave in accordance with that which we see and know.
Branden states that consciousness that is not translated into action is a betrayal of consciousness. It is not enough to see and know. One must act on what one sees and knows.
Possible Misunderstandings
Living consciously does not entail having explicit awareness of everything we have ever learned. Branden gives the example of learning to drive a car. When we first learn to drive, the act of driving remains in explicit awareness, but as we attain mastery - many of the functions of driving fall back to the level of the subconscious - so that new information can be absorbed.
Living consciously does not entail being engaged in problem solving in every waking moment of our lives. We may choose to relax, meditate, or shift to any other activity that does not involve problem-solving. Branden states that context determines appropriateness. Our mental state is determined by what we do. We are in a very different mental state if we are at work or if we are at home playing with our children.
The point is that the issue of appropriateness of my state of consciousness can only be determined relative to my purposes.
- Awareness involves a process of selection. Our purpose and values dictate the standard of selection. The act of operating at a high level of consciousness means exercising appropriate focus. Appropriate meaning, not losing sight of external circumstances. Branden gives the example of writing a book. If a person is at home writing a book, their focus is on the act of writing. They are in an environment that is appropriate towards their level of focus. If that same person went out to drive an automobile while still maintaining a high level of focus on writing the book, that person would be operating at a dangerously low level of consciousness. External factors are important in determining what is appropriate and when.
Being Responsible Towards Reality
Living consciously implies respect for the facts of reality. This means facts relevant to our inner world (feelings, needs, wants), and outer world. The contrast of this is a disrespect for reality, which expresses itself in the phrase “If I don’t choose to see it or acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist”.
Living consciously does not mean that we have to like what we see but we recognize that which is, is, and that which is not, is not. Wishes or fears or denials do not alter facts. If a statement is true, my denying it will not make it false.
Thus, when we live consciously we do not confuse the subjective with the objective. We do not imagine that our feelings are an infallible guide to truth.
Branden states that one should not confuse the subjective with the objective. Our feelings are not an infallible guide to truth. Our feelings can point us in the direction of important facts, but this requires reality testing.
The Specifics Of Living Consciously
These are the practices that living consciously entails:
A mind that is active rather than passive
A mind that is active chooses to think, to seek awareness, understanding, knowledge and clarity. Implicit in this is another pillar of self-esteem, the practice of self-responsibility. If you choose to be mentally active and present, you are choosing to take responsibility for your existence. You are announcing (through your actions) that you choose to live and choose to actively participate in life.
An intelligence that takes joy in its’ function
To feel joy when exercising intelligence is to practice learning and growth. It is the joy associated with using your mind, of growing as an individual and of the success that follows.
Being “in the moment” without losing the wider context
To be in the moment means to be present to what you are currently doing. If you are playing with a child, being present to that moment. If you are having a conversation with your spouse, being present in the conversation. If you are working on a task at work, being present at doing the work.
Doing what I am doing while I am doing it.
To not lose wider context means to be aware of the environment in which you are in. It is to be present to the wider context of a given action.
Reaching out towards relevant facts rather than withdrawing from them
Suppose you are at work listening to a boss giving you instructions and details about a project that you are currently working on. Your boss is now telling you something that contradicts what you already know about the project. You have the option to ask for clarity, to reach for relevant facts, or to choose not to.
Or suppose you are in a class learning about a subject - and the teacher says something that you do not understand. Do you ask for clarification, or do you remain silent?
What determines relevance in this context are your needs, wants, goals, values, and actions.
Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretations, and emotions
What I perceive, what I interpret it to mean, and how I feel about it are three separate questions. If I do not distinguish among them, my grounding in reality becomes the first casualty. Which means my efficacy becomes the first casualty.
Noting and confronting my impulses to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities
There is nothing more natural than to avoid fear and pain, but sometimes our self-interest requires us to override these emotions. In order to override these emotions and understand what needs to be done, one first needs to be aware that they are feeling and being controlled by such emotions. A sense of self-awareness is needed.
Living consciously implies not being ruled by emotions. Sometimes you have to confront painful realities, even if fear exists. Living consciously implies meeting these painful or fearful realities and dealing with them appropriately. It is only through respect for the facts of reality that we can achieve self-efficacy.
Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my various (personal and professional) projects, and whether I am succeeding or failing
Living consciously means to be aware of how you are doing with regards to your personal or professional projects. Again, the focus is on reality. If you state that you want to achieve some kind of goal, are you actions true to this goal? Your actions and in particular, how you deal with reality affect your self-esteem.
How can you feel efficacious and worthy of happiness if you do not hold yourself accountable towards the things that matter to you most?
Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my purposes
This point closely resembles the last. Sometimes we need to course correct if our actions are not bringing us any closer to our goals. Living consciously implies being able to see, acknowledge, and take action if what we are doing is not bringing us any closer to the achievement of our goals.
Searching for feedback from the environment so as to adjust or correct my course when necessary
Again, this point relates to the last. It implies being open to feedback from the environment and from the results of our actions with regards to whether or not we need to correct our course.
In the conduct of our life and the pursuit of our goals, we cannot safely set our course once and remain blind thereafter. The potential always exists that new information will require an adjustment of our plans and intentions.
Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties
In the pursuit of mastery and understanding we may sometimes encounter difficulties. When this happens, we have a choice. To persevere, or to give up.
If we persevere in the will to efficacy yet seem stopped by a barrier we cannot move through, we may take a rest or try a new approach, but we do not surrender to despair or resign ourselves to defeat. In contrast, if we give up, withdraw, fall into passivity, or go through the motions of trying without actually meaning it, we shrink the level of our consciousness - to escape the pain and frustration that accompanied our efforts. The world belongs to those who persevere.
Branden warns that there are sometimes when we may choose to rationally abandon a project because in the context of our goals and values, the project may have lost overall importance. Branden acknowledges that this happens and that it is OK. The important thing is that the decision to move on from a project be made consciously.
Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions
It is impossible to say that we’re operating at a high level of consciousness if we are closed off to new information, totally absorbed in our own beliefs and what we know. Such an attitude is a barrier to growth.
Sometimes, new information can bear importance on our ideas and convictions. The important thing is to maintain an openness to new ideas and new experiences. Even if we are not mistaken, and our ideas are sound - we can still further improve our premises, and add further clarifications. And sometimes, our premises are mistaken and need to be revised.
Being willing to see and correct mistakes
Living consciously entails living with respect to reality. This means acknowledging that we are not perfect, and acknowledging that sometimes we do make mistakes. Sometimes our premises are wrong - that is the process of growth, discovery, and success.
Living consciously implies that my first loyalty is to truth, not to making myself right. All of us are wrong some of the time, all of us make mistakes, but if we have tied our self-esteem (or our pseudo self-esteem) to being above error, or if we have become over-attached to our own positions, we are obliged to shrink consciousness in misguided self-protection. To find it humiliating to admit an error is a certain sign of flawed self-esteem.
Seeking always to expand awareness - a commitment to learning - therefore, a commitment to growth as a way of life
In contrast to all the centuries behind us, we are living in an age when the total of human knowledge doubles about every ten years. Only a commitment to lifelong learning can allow us to remain adaptive to our world. Those who believe they have “thought enough” and “learned enough” are on a downward trajectory of increasing unconsciousness.
A concern to understand the world around me
All of us are affected, in more ways than we know, by the world in which we live - physically, culturally, socially, economically, and politically.
The physical environment has consequences for our health. The cultural environment affects our attitudes, values, and the pleasure we take (or don’t take) in what we see, hear and read. The social environment may have an impact on the serenity or turbulence of our existence. Economic factors affect our standard of living. Political factors affect the measure of our freedom and the extent of our control over our lives.
To be oblivious to such forces, to imagine that we operate in an vacuum is truly to live as a sleepwalker. Living consciously entails a desire to understand our full context.
A concern to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of my needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that I am not a stranger or a mystery to myself.
To live consciously is to be concerned to know the inner world of my needs, feelings, motives and mental processes. This concern shows up in questions such as:
- Do I know what I am feeling in any particular moment?
- Do I recognize the impulses from which my actions spring?
- Do I notice if my feelings and actions are congruent?
- Do I know what needs or desires I’m trying to satisfy?
- Do I know what I actually want from a particular encounter with another person?
- Do I know what my life is about?
- Is the “program” I am living one I accepted uncritically from others, or is it genuinely of my own choosing?
- Do I know what I am doing when I particularly like myself, and what I’m doing when I don’t?
Branden states that intelligent self-reflection does not entail checking one’s emotional temperature every 10 minutes. Instead, he refers to “the art of noticing”. Choosing to notice the feelings in your body. Choosing to notice your emotions in an encounter with someone. Noticing patterns of behavior that do not serve you. Noticing what excites you and what drains you. Noticing whether the voice in your head is your own, or the voice of your mother, for example.
To regard self-reflection as worthwhile, one needs to understand that in the long run - there is more to gain from consciousness rather than unconsciousness.
Why do we need to notice our emotions during an encounter with someone? To better understand our actions and reactions. Why do we need to notice our patterns of behavior? To know which actions are producing desired results and which actions aren’t, and to discover patterns that need to be challenged. Why do we need to notice what is exciting and what is draining? To do more of the first and less of the second (a correction that by no means happens automatically or “instinctively”). Why might it be worth our efforts to identify the different voices speaking within? To recognize alien influences with alien agendas (the voice of a parent, or religious authority, for example), to learn how to distinguish one’s own true voice from all others, to operate one’s life as an autonomous human being.
A concern to be aware of the values that move and guide me, as well as their roots, so that I am not ruled by values I have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.
All of us draw conclusions from our experiences that are sometimes not beneficial to our own being. All of us absorb values from the world around us, from family, peers, and culture - and these values may not be rational or supportive of our true interests; often, in fact, they are not.
A man may be socialized to identify personal worth with income; a woman may be socialized to identify personal worth with the status of the man she marries. Such values subvert healthy self-esteem, and almost inevitably lead to self-alienation and tragic life decisions.
Living consciously entails being aware of the values that guide our life. What are the values that set our goals and purposes?
A Note On Addictions
Branden states that at the root of addiction is a desire to escape awareness one’s core feelings of powerlessness and suffering. Regardless of what poison we choose to ingest, pain and suffering are not extinguished permanently, requiring larger and larger doses to keep consciousness at bay.
To the addict, consciousness is the enemy. If I have reason to know that alcohol is dangerous to me and nonetheless I take a drink, I must first turn down the light of awareness. If I know that cocaine has cost me my last three jobs and I nonetheless choose to take a snort, I must first blank out my knowledge, must refuse to see what I see and known what I know. If I recognize that I am in a relationship that is destructive to my dignity, ruinous for my self-esteem, and dangerous to my physical well-being, and if I nonetheless choose to remain in it, I must first drown out the voice of reason, fog my brain, and make myself functionally stupid. Self-destruction is an act best performed in the dark.
A Challenge
Living consciously is a practice and a mindset. It is an orientation towards life. It exists on a continuum. No one lives entirely unconsciously, and no one is incapable of expanding his or her consciousness. It is usually fairly obvious to know which areas of our life need more awareness. Usually, such areas are where we feel pain, frustration, and dis-satisfaction. Where are we least effective? Which areas of our life are least satisfactory? If one is honest with oneself - identifying these areas is not a difficult task.
What determines priority in our lives is a question of where we are in our overall evolution, and also our objective circumstances. Context determines appropriateness.
That one wakes up for a time is no guarantee that one will remain awake. Still, judging from the experience of my clients, it would have been extraordinarily difficult for us to persist blindly on our course because we would no longer have been blind, and opening one door clears the way to opening another and then another. - The Author, reflecting on his first marriage.